For a7th grade home ec homework grade, I had to prepare and serve a dessert with my mom attesting to my effort.  So I added blue food coloring to a butterscotch pudding mix, topped it with orange-dyed Cool Whip and sprinkled Christmas-themed candy bits along the perimeter of each bowl.  My midwestern mom wrote, "It was creative.  I think." 

Sound gross? 

Well, maybe you should have seen the cafeteria workers at our high school, dipping directly into stainless vats of steaming vegetables with transparently-gloved hands and slopping watery servings on our trays with juice dripping off their elbows.

Sound more gross? 

Get ready. 

Hannah and Julia took a children's (duh) four-day "Gross Cooking" class at church this week, toting home Rubbermaid tubs of food that was quite creative.  I think.

Monday's Marvels - Boogers on sticks (green Cheese Whiz on stick pretzels), scabby pus sandwiches (jelly, butter and fruit on bread) and babies' dirty bottoms (caramels stuck into marshmallows with stick pretzel legs)

Tuesday's Treats:  Ear wax on a swab (miniature marshallows dipped in orange white chocolate stuck to a straw) and spit out sandwiches (shredded peanut butter sandwich with marshmallows)

Wednesday's Wonders:  Armpit hairballs (Wheaties and chocolate) plus dead skin cells with worms (butterscotch and white chocolate with gummi worms)

Thursday's Delight - Penicillin pizza (English muffins with tomato sauce, white cheese and green Parmesan) and used bandages (orange icing-topped graham crackers with marshmallows and fruit roll-up shreds)

Hungry, anyone?

Tonight I was fishing through an envelope of old photos, hunting an appropriate print to scan into a greeting card for a friend.  Rachel peeked over my shoulder and muttered, "Wow.  You used to be good."

I settled on this one for the card - a yellow rose shot in a neighbor's yard.

Here are my favorite photos pulled from that envelope....

This bud's for you, Judy....especially since a print of it is hanging in your hall bathroom, thanks to the annual Houston Azelea Trail.  I used to have Saturdays to do things like that.  Now - ummm - not so much.

The rain drop intrigued me. 

Did you know tulips started off in Asia - not Holland?  I didn't, until I heard it on the  Azelea Trail.  I've always found green the most soothing color, and sought it for backgrounds. 

Moving right along - and up north - to this Indiana hay field in 1985.  Only after I visited in fall did I understand my mother saying, "I miss seasons."

Fireworks from the rooftops during Houston's sesquicentennial celebration in 1986.  Sarah, her friend Eileen and I spent the night in a downtown hotel so we could catch the primo views.

No rooftops here - just 14-year-old Sarah twirling sparklers in front of my apartment in 1986.  This was way before Photoshop, people.

Choo-choo!  The Galveston Railroad Museum.  I had prints of these statues color washed in green and later copper.  Quite dramatic.  A green wash hangs framed in our kitchen.

And finally - a Santa Barbara coastal sunset.  When I see this print, I think of "Now the Day is Over," which we often sang as a parting hymn in church of Christ Sunday night services.  "Now the day is over.  Night is drawing night.  Shadows of the evening steal across the sky.  Now the darkness gathers.  Stars begin to peep.  Birds and beasts and flowers soon will be asleep."   Sometimes I miss acappella harmony so badly, strains trickle from my lips unconsciously.  So if you hear me singing bits of a harmony solo, forgive me. And just tell anyone else I'm off my medication.

Now, most of my shots are of Vacation Bible School, or a kiddo's birthday party. 

So maybe I did used to be good. 

But now I am good and happy.

No, we're not adopting again (did you hear that, Keith?)  But we did decide to assume sponsorship of a five-year-old boy in Muldova, "Ion" (John), through Children's Emergency Relief International. 

He's a cutie.

Orphanage kids in Moldova have two sets of clothes - winter and summer.  Their summer "camps" have no electricity or running water. 

For $35, all six of us can go to What-A-Burger.  Or five of us can go to a matinee movie.  Or four of us can buy a new paperback.  Or three of us can go play arcade games.   Or two of us can each buy a new video.  Or one of us (and that one would be me) can get a pedicure.  Or....we can sponsor Ion each month, with half the money going to improve his standard of living now, and half going into savings for him pending his discharge at age 16.

Freinds at church serve a Moldovan mission each summer, and many are already sponsoring children.  We are absolutely confident of where our money is going.

One friend had spread dozens of sponsorable kids' pictures on the counter Sunday.  LIttle girls.  Little boys.  Little girls with summer shaves that looked like little boys.  Familiar names.  Names of all consonants we had no idea how to pronounce.  Some kids as old as Lois and some younger than Julia.

So how do you pick?  Because to choose one means leaving the others.  

I did what any wise, well-educated (and cowardly) adult woman would do - I backed off, and let the kids choose.  They wanted a boy, and with very little discussion and (surprisingly) no fighting, they selected Ion.

Julia is still a little mystified as to why we are not making him her brother.  "Why he no come home?" 

Because - just like when we were in Children's Home #47 - we choose one and left the others.

Keith and Lois are sitting at the breakfast table right now, devouring Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows with a side serving of bagels.

Keith - page 459; Lois - page 401.  She's the faster reader, but he had a longer nap yesterday.  Yes, they bought two copies of the book.  Share?  Surely you jest. 

The queued early Friday at Barnes & Noble to join a few thousand of their closest friends in a quest for....

This all-important reservation confirmation.  Think "Southwest" - without the peanuts.

Then it was back to Barnes and Noble at 7 p.m. last night, awaiting the midnight hour.  They each drank a "butter beer," but passed on the soap-flavored Jelly Bellies.  Many of the early morning enthusiasts had morphed into They That Have No Lives, as evidenced by Lois' photos:

Hooters

Sweet, sweet tats

Let a smile be your umbrella.

Keith's cousin Hagrid

....you'll never go back....

Making a spectacle of himself

If I only had a brain

The Grim Reader

Finally - Midnight!

So I think today I'll ask Keith several questions, like, "So how about I buy myself a new Nikon?  And would it be okay if I spent next weekend at a spa?"  Because what I'll get is a mumbled "Uh-huh."  Surely I can work those into conversation while he tackles the last 325 pages.

Go Keith!  Go Lois!  Vote in the poll (left nav) - Who is finishing first?!

Keith and Lois are all hyped about the release of  Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows on Friday.  They'll be among the thousands haunting bookstores at midnight, anxious to purchase the 784-page final installment.   Keith – echoing a personal philosophy with character enthusiasm - has changed the status line on his AT&T instant messenger to his favorite line from the series, It's our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are – far more than our abilities. – Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

Thanks, Professor.

We just got back from our annual week at the beach, courtesy of my good friend Konen who is foolish/gracious/wonderful enough to loan us her famly's three-bedroom abode on Bolivar Peninsula.  Our time there is the highlight of our year.  I cook and freeze food ahead so neither Keith nor I are unduly burdened by many mundane chores.

Our friends the Watsons came down Monday for grilled chicken (marianted in a cryoseal bag with Asian ginger dressing) sandwiches   My sister Judy, my niece Sarah and her kiddos Laura and (Sweet Baby) James came down Wednesday for hotdogs with homemade chili.  Judy brought two dozen cupcakes from Sam's which meant lots of little faces sporting white lips and secreted stashes of the decorations.

(l-r) Lois, Hannah, friend Sarah and Julia built a fortress and moat for captured "little alligators," a.k.a., hermit crabs...or, as younger Hannah used to call them, "herminy crabs....."

....of which we caught an astounding number....here's Rachel with #216 and #217 on Tuesday (names gave out around #20.)

Julia's nickname is now "Sandy."  Last year, Julia's English was minimal.  This year, Keith and/or I frequently mumbled, "Now why did we want her to learn English?"  "Papa" has become "Daddy," and she likes to go out deep with him.  "Mama" has become "Mommy," and she knows I am a sniveling coward who's not going out past my waist, and I'm not letting her go deeper than her chest when she's with me.  Sorry for the yellow stripe running down my back, it's a side effect of securing four birth certificates. 

Why do I always find younger women - like our great niece Laura - hitting on my husband?

Three things I have learned at the beach:

   1.  Sunglasses lost to a wave will not wash to shore.

   2.  Sand anywhere means sand everywhere.

   3.  It is best to place your robe on the wall of the outdoor shower rather than on the picnic table 15' away.

Quotes from the week:

Rachel - bored with Keith's and Lois' discussion of different dragons portrayed in Harry Potter - "So are dragons real?"

Lois - unhappy about Sleepover being selected for a car movie - "Ugggh.  I'll have to wash out my eyes with hot bleach."

Julia - irritated at the popcorn bowl being moved - "What the?"  That's all.  Just "What the?" in a hugely indignant tone.  (Now where could she have learned that, hmmm, Rachel?)

Rachel - responding to my audibly debating the need to buy more bottled water - "Mom, water, my gosh - we've got a whole ocean."

Julia - to Lois, as they shared the couch - "You have too much spot.  Give me some spot."

And here's a quote from both Keith and me - we each said it several times -  "Boy, it's going to be hard to go back to work on Monday."  (big sigh)

In addition to the on-going "rebuild the deck and build a pond" saga out back, Casa Woodworth is getting a facelift in front - a new yard.

Take dirt...add two pallets of Zeon Zoysia grass and two new little trees.....drip in the sweat of a hubby and two (ever so gracious and willing) teenage daughters plus an occassional yard boy....and then you....

...yank out the unneeded (thanks to AT&T U-verse!) satellite dish, which has been hidden under a gynormous fake rock in the front bed for years and you get....

....islands of grasslets!  All this rain has helped.  Who would have believed days (plural!) of rain in San Antonio in the summer?! 

Right now, there's as much tilled dirt as Zeon Zoysia - sort of reminds me of a gameboard.  Keith has already spotted grasslets spreading their roots. 

Tonight we're having a San Augustine weed pulling party.  Diet Coke and bottled water will be served.  Entertainment provided by the mere thought of my doing yard work (it's a maintenance item that doesn't call me "Mommy!")  And best of all - you're invited! 

What do two people eat?

The girls all left yesterday to spend time with family and friends in Houston, leaving Keith and I home alone for the entire upcoming week.  This has never happened before, and I'm lost in the food department.  Virtually all my good recipes begin, "Brown 2 lbs. of lean ground beef."

Last night, we used a Saltgrass gift card we were given two years ago.  Our meals were delicious, but of course, I always think that about food i don't have to cook or clean up.

We went to Sam's and Costco and walked right by the four-pound pork roasts, and the mutli-packs of chickens.  Those generally leap in my cart, often crying out for their chilled friends to join them.  A gallon of milk, or two loaves of bread?  I don't think so.

This morning I ran to HEB, where I should have a payroll deduction made.  I walked in - alone - not admonishing anyone to watch for cars - and felt completely....disconnected.  I felt more at ease as a 30-something on the streets of Bangkok and Caracas.  No bananas for Rachel, or pineapple for Julia, or watermelon for Lois and Hannah.  Nobody to help me weigh the produce, or check the dates on the yogurt (of which I bought only five.)  Nobody begged  for the sugary cereal advertised on TV, or was embarassed by my coupon box.  My cart barely had the bottom layer covered, and nothing was hanging out the bottiom.

So tonight it's fresh tuna steaks, shrimp fried rice, asparagus and a (little) blueberry/cherry cobbler for Keith.  But tomorrow?  I have no idea.

I saw our good friends John and Linda at HEB.  They're used to buying and cooking for two.  I asked them, "So what do two people eat?"  Linda's answer was:  "Anything they want to."

Hmmmm.  Maybe I could learn to like that answer.

Julia and Hannah returned home from Houston with Keith's parents today.  They were gone eight days, spending seven of those days with my niece, Sarah, and her kiddos (three-year-old) Laura and (Sweet Baby) James.

This was a "first."  Julia has spent the stray night away from home/parents with Keith's folks and the neighbor girls, but never a stretch like this.  And - praise God - she did fine. 

It was not that I missed Hannah less while they were gone.  It was that I worried about Julia more.

We called last summer, "The Summer We Stayed Home."  We knew Julia needed time to get used to being part of a family.  Keith and I had to get back to work - he'd used almost all his vacation traveling to Russia, and I'd taken three weeks of unpaid time after we got home.  Plus, of course, there was that little matter of our being broke, with the required trip to Moscow (the most expensive city in the world - really) being sprung on us once we were in-country. 

We needed Rachel and/orLois and/or Hannah to be with Julia 24 x 7 last summer - and they were.  No church camp except for Hannah, who was devastated at the thought of missing.  No week for any of them with Sarah or Keith's folks or our good friends the Edwards.  None of the away-from-home treats they've come to expect and enjoy.

This summer - we're back to normal.  Rachel and Lois return from church youth camp tomorrow.  Hannah leaves for children's church camp tomorrow, too.  And everybody is looking forward to more Houston time with Sarah, Keith's parents and the Edwards.  And somewhere in there, we're squeezing in a week at my friend Konen's beach house, plus getting Rachel's wisdom teeth yanked (she only has three - go figure).  Mix in lots of trips to Fiesta Texas and the neighborhood pool and stir.

Somebody's daddy was pretty glad to see his girls, too.....

I was never more proud of Rachel, Lois and Hannah than I was last summer. 

But this summer - I am more than willing to trade in some pride for some fun.

Because when you have a home to start from - "fun" is what summer is all about. 

Rachel turned 16 last week - impossible, I know, since she is really just a precious widdle baby girl.

Or at least she was in 1991, as cousin Sarah snatched her up. 

Sarah and Judy hosted her Sweet 16 luau-themed party on Saturday at the Junior League of Houston.  No ketchup in packets.  No half-off coupons.  No "Would you like fries with that?"   We are talking cloth napkins, People!  China.  Flowers.  Volunteer servers in hose.  And a guest list of Rachel's old Houston posse with - to make the rest of us smile - their mamas and sisters.

Goin' back to Houston....Houston....Houston.   It's all us Hoffman-esque girls.  (back) Mom, Rachel, Aunt Judy, Cousin Sarah and Lois.  (front) Hannah and Julia. 

It's been a long time since we celebrated a Sweet 16 in this family....in fact, since 1988, when Sarah turned 16.  So to add a little maternal joy to the ocassion, I have documented 16 Rachel Factoids.  Sort of like the Top 10, only 60% bigger, and there's not a car commercial right before it.

16.  She has more hair and spends more time on it than anyone I've ever known.  It looks really good.  But still.

15.  She can spot a bottle of Herbal Essence three rows over, but the "complete" light on the dishwasher remains very, very dim.

14.  When Keith and I left her at kindergarten the first day, I cried all the way back to the car.  She never shed a tear, in fact, she kept telling us goodbye long before I was ready to leave.

13. The afternoon she wandered off from the St. George's day care bus line to get a snowcone at school makes my heart race even now.  That whole "We've misplaced your child"  call - ummmm -  not so good.

12.  Every time I see or hear her middle name - Wyoming - I smile, because that was my mother's name.  Unless, of course, it's in the context of hollering, "Rachel Wyoming Woodworth, get in this room right now."  Then I am generally not smiling.

11.  She's the only one of my kids with an independent relationship with one of our Indiana kin - her second cousin Jennifer.  That does make me smile.

10.  She is my on-site Firefox/WORD/IE/Google SME.  If it involves a keyboard, a casual, "So how can I...." gets me a big sigh and eye roll accompanying an answer.  If I act pathetic enough - seldom a challenge - she'll do it for me.

9.  She is as much responsible for Julia's success her first year home as are Keith and me.  We got Julia here, but Rachel was anxiously waiting with bushels of affection and attention.  Plus a hair brush.

I had 11-years-older Judy.  Julia has nine-years-older Rachel.  It rocks to have a sister read to you, fix you snacks, take you on dates....oh, did I forget to mention that part, Rach, now that you're old enough now to go out and all?

8. She can make anybody laugh - myself included.  Her texts are often my major day-brighteners.  IDK My BFF Jill indeed.

7.  She's too tall (6'1") for the Superman ride at Fiesta Texas now.  So at least I don't have to listen to her crow about loving it as I cower nearby.

Rachel and my goddaughter Brittany chuckle at my fear of besting the Superman roller coaster at Fiesta Texas.  Curse them. 

6.  She (3rd grade) and Lois (kinder) were both "Star Students" (one per grade per month)  at Mark Twain Elementary in Houston shortly before we moved - first time siblings had been selected together.

5.  She's told me about a million times, "Cheez-Its, Mom, Cheez-Its.  Not Cheese Nips."  (I still slip the wrong box in the grocery cart.  Sigh.)

4.  She was the first person after Keith and me to hold newborn Hannah.  Sometimes Rachel holds Hannah now, too, but there are generally flailing limbs involved.

3.  Her first love was Barney.  The look on her face when that purple dinosaur danced out on stage at the Natural History Museum in 1993 is forever lodged in my memory as the most marvelous look of childlike wonder - ever.  Barney was also responsible for her developing a (ahem) certain personal control, after themed undergarments were purchased.

Barney's da man.  B.J. and Baby Bop - merely his pale, paleo-pitiful pals

2.  When she was three years old, she counted to "twenty-eleven (31)."

And now.....The #1 Rachel Factoid....

1.  This blog is a guaranteed embarassment.