Entry: Which Are Mine? Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Saw a casual friend this week who knew us when we started our adoption paperchase in 2004.   As she fingered a wallet photo of the girls, she asked, "So which ones are yours?"

Hmmmm.  Which ones are mine?

Rachel, Lois and Hannah will always be mine because I birthed them.  Half of their DNA is mine.  Nothing will ever change that.

They're also mine because they slept countless nights curled up on my chest in the formula-stained rocker we still use.  They're mine because I lugged their diaper bags, burped them and watched "Barney."

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Yawwwwnnnn.....that's two-year-old Rachel and preemie Lois her first night at home, after 37 days in the NICU....

A young woman in Russia birthed Julia.  Half of Julia's DNA is hers.  Nothing will ever change that.

I never rocked Julia as an infant, or toted her diaper bag, or burped her or endured "Barney" for her.  I can't change that. 

I can, though, cuddle her in that same (somewhat crusty) rocking chair now.  I can help her pick out a new rolling bag for her occassional spend-the-night with friends.  I can fix her cup of hot chocolate every evening.  And I've been known to watch a few minutes of "Power Rangers" while folding clothes.

I think Julia is mine not because a judge in a distant courtroom said so, nor even because she lives under this roof.

She's mine because Keith and I promised before God to rear her not like our own, but as our own.

So which of those girls is mine?

As I told my friend - "They all are."

 
   12 comments

kate
August 25, 2007   06:28 AM PDT
 
kaneshna! of course!

and, um, i think power rangers is even more of a parental offering than barney...i can't picture the power rangers singing and dancing, not many i-love-you's there...
rach
August 24, 2007   08:48 PM PDT
 
seriously, i would have been like, oh none of them anymore.
child services wont let me keep em since my arrest for prostitution in october of '06.
ChinchillaBoy
August 24, 2007   06:42 AM PDT
 
Actually - more than half of their DNA is yours. Extranuclear DNA (mitochondrial DNA) is inherited from the maternal gamete.

Goes for the misbehavors as well as the angels, alas.
Dad
August 23, 2007   04:05 PM PDT
 
The misbehaving ones are yours, the good ones are mine.
ChinchillaBoy
August 23, 2007   02:44 PM PDT
 
Amen!
Melinda
August 23, 2007   09:13 AM PDT
 
Yes, I feel that way about your children, too. They're MINE...all of them!

They're just the kind of kids I want to have...smart, funny, independent, happy...absolutely beautiful! LOVE 'em!!
Name
August 23, 2007   08:00 AM PDT
 
I love you Bec!
Rachael
August 23, 2007   07:10 AM PDT
 
I'm with you, mother bear. It doesn't matter how they "become" yours, once they are, they are.

I get the same questions all the time too, "which ones are yours?" and I'm the same way, "they all are. do you mean which one is adopted?"

I love too that Katya looks so much like us that people can't tell.

I don't think people mean any harm though by asking, usually they're just curious and don't think before speaking.
sharon
August 23, 2007   06:43 AM PDT
 
I would have replied: "Depends... which one do you want?"
lisa
August 23, 2007   04:34 AM PDT
 
please where the glasses to the next URD session
votemom
August 23, 2007   04:33 AM PDT
 
i love reading thoughts of other moms with both bio and adopted kids. thanks for sharing. and please give J a kiss on her neck for me tonight when she is sipping her cocoa.
andrea
August 23, 2007   03:33 AM PDT
 
God bless you, Julia and your lovely family. P.S. The baby pic is so cute.

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